I have lived 17 years of my life as a sited person and for the past 5 years, I've been visually impaired.
This has been bothering me so much lately. From the injuries I suffered from my accident (walking, talking, and vision) it's hard for people to believe that losing half of my vision is on the bottom of my list. I feel that my difficulty speaking and unstable walking is harder to live with. I think I can say that because I'm not blind. My vision is blurred.
Luckily, I see well enough to function. I can safely walk without a cane and pick out what to wear.. But more bad than good.
I miss driving. I miss shopping. I miss people. I miss a lot. I feel so left out when people post pictures. Silly, but everyone using instagram hurts. . I feel horrible and like a child having to have my father drive me everywhere. I feel like a bother because my friends have to pick me up/drop me off all the time. It's depressing to go shopping . I do have a friend or someone who picks out what they like and although they describe/I can somewhat see it, it's still sad. Shopping should be fun for a girl. What I miss most is people. Although blurry, I can see a person's body frame, their hair, their outfits (somewhat) I don't see well enough to see details. It's upsetting when after I get dressed and ready to go out for a night, I can't check myself out in the mirror. I'm lucky enough to remember what I look like.. But I was 17. I'm 22 now and I can't imagine what I'll look like as I get older.
My future scares me. I want to have children. I don't think I could safely care for a child. When I'm out on my own, how will I grocery shop? I know I'll always have family and I hope a husband some day, but how do people do it? I can't imagine being completely blind from birth. Having no idea what anything looks like. How do the blind care for themselves?
I guess this has been on my mind because there is this annual fair coming. A few weeks ago when that "fat" friend and I were cool, he told me he'd take me. The other day I reminded him it was coming. "Why do you want to go??" "It's fun" "Not for you.." ... This fair has great food and rides, but it's also known for it's scenery and shows. I was actually only thinking of the food, but from his "Not for you.." I've been really down. I know he didn't mean to say it to be an ass ... But he made me realize.
I know it's not an attraction for a guy to be with a "blind" girl. I have been with a few good guys who seemed to look passed that, but along with all my other issues, I'm afraid I'll be alone for the rest of my life. No one can honestly say I shouldn't fear that. I'm pretty banged up.
I haven't gotten upset over my accident for a long time. I haven't cried, wished that I could go back and not get into that idiot's car for months. I don't know why I did it to myself, but I went through my archives and got myself upset. I can't ever go back. I will have to live in this condition. I have to accept that. As time goes on, it seems to just get harder.
I told myself to stop posting about this kind of stuff a long time ago. I feel like a sob story. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm not exactly sure what I want. Maybe some comfort or encouraging words.
The quote "You don't know what you got til it's gone" is true. I never thought that I'd lose my vision. One day can change your entire life..
| ||Posted 9/23/2012 1:45 PM - 380 Views - 34 eProps - 28 comments|
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